


Unconditional

by Wine_Into_Water



Series: Unconditional Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-01
Updated: 2006-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 23:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wine_Into_Water/pseuds/Wine_Into_Water
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the question asked in Nightmares – What if Sam and Dean had Max’s childhood?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unconditional

Sam Winchester has no memory of his mother, none. He doesn’t remember her laugh or her smile. Can’t remember the smell of her perfume or her shampoo, nothing at all. His slate is completely blank where she is concerned. So he doesn’t miss her and he doesn’t love her. He can’t, because the mother he knows is only pictures and stories, and he’s not any more connected to her than any other woman’s picture he may come across. He does feel guilty about it, though, thinks maybe he’s wired wrong or something, because Dean loves her and Dean misses her. Dean keeps a picture of her in his wallet and still wears an old protective charm around his neck just because she was the one to place it there one night when he was afraid. So for all these reasons, Sam really tries to love her, tries to find a part of him that misses her even a little. He tries, because the last thing he ever wants to do is disappoint Dean. So he sits there and listens as Dean tells him stories and describes little details that Sam thinks a four-year-old boy should have forgotten over time. He listens, even when he just wants to stop Dean and tell him there is no point, because he doesn’t remember and he can’t make any of Dean’s stories click as if they mean something no matter how much he wants them to. He never tells Dean that the amulet he wears around his neck is just a bunch of shit because it never managed to protect Dean from their father, but Dean believes, and Sam believes in Dean, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Unfortunately, Sam does remember his father. He’s wished on more than one occasion that it was John who had died in the fire that took his mother. Dean says their mother would never blame Sam for it like John does. Sam was only a baby, how could it be his fault? But John never understood that. If Mary hadn’t went to check in on him then she’d still be alive, plain and simple. Sam certain things would have been different if he could have switched them, have his mother here instead because if the woman Dean tells him about is even half of what Dean says, then he knows a better life would have been in the cards… but it didn’t work that way. He can honestly say he hates his father, despises the man, and wouldn’t think twice about slitting his throat from ear to ear or emptying a .45 clip into his chest. He never wants to see his father ever again for any reason, unless it’s to act on the things he secretly dreams of doing. Sometimes Sam would give almost anything to have his father at his mercy, to beat him and break him into a pile of twisted bones and torn flesh. He knows he’ll never get the chance. Will never have to see his father again for any reason, because Dean promised, and Dean always keeps his promises.

Sam remembers one night when he was only six and their father has been drinking again, heavier than usual because it’s the anniversary of Mary’s death. John’s hand is only inches away from his face when he’s pushed out of the way by his brother, Dean receiving the blow instead and falling to the floor. Dean gets back up quickly and stands his ground, keeping his body between him and their father. Instead, he just turns his head towards him, and Sam can see the bruise already starting on Dean’s cheek. Sam goes towards him, but Dean tells him to, go and Sam doesn’t want to, he never wants to leave Dean, not like this, but Dean had made him promise an oath sealed with a pinky swear and blood that no matter what, if Dean had told him to go, he would, and he would hide in the spot Dean had shown him and stay hidden until Dean, and only Dean, came for him. Sam remembers opening the back door and hearing his father snarl, “You stupid little shit, he’s not worth it. Should have left him in that fire.”

“You’re wrong.” Dean’s voice is crisp and steady.

Another sound of flesh hitting flesh in anger, and he hears Dean fall into the coffee table, gasping for air as he lands and it shatters.

Sam runs.

The same night, a couple hours after it all started and their father is passed out in the living room, Sam curls himself around Dean, softly crying into his chest. He doesn’t want to be the reason Dean is hurt like this; he thinks it would hurt less if Dean would just let his father hit him because he can’t take the pain in knowing he’s the reason Dean won’t be able to open his left eye in the morning; that it’s his fault Dean has a purple imprint of his father's work boot on his side.

Sam feels as Dean takes in a sharp breath and looks up in time to see Dean wince. He loosens his grip around his older brother knowing he’s causing Dean even more pain by hanging on, but Dean keeps a firm hold on him and pulls him back close, “Its ok, nothing I can’t handle, right?”

Sam doesn’t answer.

Dean's hand rubs up and down his back, trying to comfort him. “I can’t promise he’ll never get to you Sammy, but I can promise he’ll always have to go through me first.”

Sam cries harder.

Sam’s older now and things are different. Dean’s made sure of that.

When Dean turned sixteen, he quit school and found a job…a job that allowed him to be home when Sam was so he’d never be alone with their father…and on days he couldn’t be, Sam had gone to the garage where Dean worked until they could head home together.

By seventeen, Dean had managed to save up half of every paycheck, and to put money down on an old Chevy Impala that he found through some guy at work.

The day Dean turned eighteen, Sam was called out of school just before first break and found Dean waiting for him at the office. An hour later, they were in the Impala heading north as fast as the speed limit would allow because Dean didn’t want to get stopped by the cops and risk fucking up their getaway.

That was a year ago, and Sam’s never been happier. They move a lot because Dean is always worried that somebody will come looking for them. Sam knows nobody will, but he humors Dean anyway. It’s worth it, moving every couple of months, spending just as long in hotel rooms before they settle down again, because Dean has this smile now, one that lights up his whole face, one that reaches his eyes. Sam didn’t see it often while they were growing up, but now he’s treated to it every day.

Sam realizes that the intensity of love he feels for his brother is probably unhealthy at best. You shouldn’t have such blind faith and worship for a mere human, but Sam can’t help it. Dean is his everything. It’s a devotion that runs through his veins so strong that he wouldn’t think twice of killing or laying his own life down if it meant it for once, he could protect Dean. Dean loves him unconditionally…and in return he loves him with every bone in his body, with every fiber of his being, with his whole heart and every ounce of his soul and a million other metaphors it means to love somebody as much as he loves Dean. There is nobody more important to Sam Winchester than his brother.


End file.
